A few months ago we ran a competition giving Cougar Microbes readers a free copy of TuneUp to fix their music collection.
We asked the question: If you could rearrange/fix/change any musical moment that has happened in history what would it be?
This was the outstanding in our books by a guy called Blue:
1. Light Aircrafts
Ban them. They took Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, country star Patsy Cline, John Denver, Otis Redding, Big Bopper, half of Lynrd Skynryd, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Ozzy guitarist Randy Rhoads, and Aaliyah to name but a handful. No wonder the tour bus is such a popular transportation option.2. Finding God
Once the Big Guy gets under an artist’s skin the work tends to suffer. Al Green went from making the sexiest music known to man to making gospel albums known to nobody. P.Diddy protege Mase quit hip-hop for the ministry, and when he came back his skills didn’t. The less said about Bob Dylan‘s born-again albums the better, and just picture Jehovah’s Witness Prince proselytizing door-to-door in purple pumps. Esther (née Madonna) caused quite the mishegas by hopping onto Kabbalah’s New-Age-Judaism bandwagon. And Cat Stevens loved Islam so much he named himself after it when he converted, then quit the music business in 1979. Silly rock stars — you’re supposed to be the ones being worshipped!3. “Colonel” Tom Parker
Before Suge Knight, Lou Pearlman or even Allen Klein came the “Colonel” – inventor of ruinously exploitative rock management. Getting his hooks into Elvis in 1955, the Dutch con man artfully steered the King away from making music and towards the likes of Clambake, Kissin’ Cousins, Kid Galahad, and about 30 other Hollywood forgettables he made instead of recording or touring for most of the next decade.4. Electric Violins
Say no more5. Nearly Every Hip-Hop Video
We get it. Your ride is pimped, your crib is a castle, you sip “Cristal” and have a queue of semi-naked hoes lining up to get into your jacuzzi. Congratulations to a generation of hip-hop video directors for making decadence seem so boring.6. Braided Goatees
Just grow those chin whiskers out a foot, part in the middle, and weave pube-like braids. Tragically, the resulting blood loss to the head severely lowers IQ levels, resulting in guttural vocals and misspelled band names.
